I've had no replies from the commercial dive companies. At this point, it's just a waiting game. I'm feeling totally exhausted emotionally and physically and I'm not sure what else I can do. The county search and rescue has told me that eventually he will be found, it's just a matter of time. I'm constantly haunted by the thoughts of Rick being left in that river, with thoughts of whether or not he felt alone and scared when he drowned.
Now another unbearable loss to our family - my son's wife has left him. She can't give him a reason other than that she just no longer loves him. I think she just can't bear all the emotional torture we're going through and she just wants to run away. She says she doesn't want anything from him, just to be left alone. She's moved in with her brother & his wife, and is going to share custody of the baby with my son. I'm praying that they manage to get through this, and are able to work it out. I'm in shock because they've always seemed so right for each other and so in love. They had everything that you'd think would make them happy. Beautiful child, nice little house, good health, and yet apparently overwhelming grief is too much for my daughter in law to withstand. I can't blame her too much, because sometimes I would like to run away too. The problem is that there is no where that I can run to that would relieve me of this pain.
In April of last year, our dear friend Wayne was killed in a freak tree cutting accident. He was my husband's best friend. I imagined that I understood his wife's grief. I didn't have a clue. There is no way, unless you've experienced it first hand, that anyone can imagine what it's like to have the love of your life ripped away from you so suddenly. I feel that when Rick lost his life, he took mine along with him. Now I have years stretching ahead of me, with no focus to them. Yes, I have children, and yes, I have a beautiful Granddaughter, but their lives are their own, as they should be. My daughter has moved back home with me, but I know it's a temporary arrangement. She will hopefully go on to her own life, her own marriage and children, her own career. I wouldn't want it any other way for her. I know that eventually I'll find my place in the world, but it will be a pale version of my life with Rick.
Now another unbearable loss to our family - my son's wife has left him. She can't give him a reason other than that she just no longer loves him. I think she just can't bear all the emotional torture we're going through and she just wants to run away. She says she doesn't want anything from him, just to be left alone. She's moved in with her brother & his wife, and is going to share custody of the baby with my son. I'm praying that they manage to get through this, and are able to work it out. I'm in shock because they've always seemed so right for each other and so in love. They had everything that you'd think would make them happy. Beautiful child, nice little house, good health, and yet apparently overwhelming grief is too much for my daughter in law to withstand. I can't blame her too much, because sometimes I would like to run away too. The problem is that there is no where that I can run to that would relieve me of this pain.
In April of last year, our dear friend Wayne was killed in a freak tree cutting accident. He was my husband's best friend. I imagined that I understood his wife's grief. I didn't have a clue. There is no way, unless you've experienced it first hand, that anyone can imagine what it's like to have the love of your life ripped away from you so suddenly. I feel that when Rick lost his life, he took mine along with him. Now I have years stretching ahead of me, with no focus to them. Yes, I have children, and yes, I have a beautiful Granddaughter, but their lives are their own, as they should be. My daughter has moved back home with me, but I know it's a temporary arrangement. She will hopefully go on to her own life, her own marriage and children, her own career. I wouldn't want it any other way for her. I know that eventually I'll find my place in the world, but it will be a pale version of my life with Rick.
posted by Joy at 9:21 AM
1 Comments:
Even though my brother's body was found (after 26 days), I'm STILL haunted by thoughts of Mark being in that river, and I torture myself wondering if he felt alone and scared when he drowned. This kind of thing is an absolute horror. There were times when I, too, wanted to run away, but, of course, I couldn't. I'm so sorry your family's grief has to be compounded by the situation with your daughter-in-law. Too much heartache.
Post a Comment
<< Home